My husband thought I’d blow my stack but I blew something else… — My husband is a camera bug with a hipster’s fascination for authenticity. He was always sneaking up on me to take so-called candid shots. I was always sneaking up on him to delete his fucking memory cards. Who needs photos of themselves brushing their teeth floating around in the wild? …

That’s how it started but not how it ended — The neighbor’s bed was wide, cold, and empty. The sheets smelled like lavender laundry soap. I was only supposed to take in the mail and water the plants, so what was I doing in the bedroom? I’ve always been a curious person. And I’m especially curious about other people’s beds…

Could she jingle those bells all night? — My wife Ellen had a different way of celebrating the season. Others may deck the halls and light up the trees. Stripping down to her handmade lace bra and panty set, she carefully wrapped her sleek body in low-temperature LED holiday lights. Considering the effect in the mirror, she frowned…

A public scene should start with a tender tease — As I lounge on the small bed, my fingers begin to creep slowly and oh-so-teasingly up my own leg. Do I have to teach you how to take your time? How to trace out the lines and curves and soft but also somehow firm hollow at the inside of my…

And she offered to grant my wish — The setting sun spilled gold across the shallow green bay. No footprints marred the golden sand. No boats bobbed on the quiet water. “We’re alone here,” sang the voices. “This is the secret beach, the sacred beach, secret, secret, secret, sacred, sacred, sacred.” Were the voices real? No. Can’t be. …

If you’re working hard from home, take off your pants — “Scram. Can’t you see I’m trying to accomplish something here?” Jake is already using his sensuous chatline voice, the one that’s way too triple-X-rated for radio. After licking the tip of my index finger, I use my damp digit to walk a line up the inside of his leg. He’s…

By the way, babe, I f****d the gardener while you were in Vegas — My husband and I had been driving in the mountains for hours. Don’t mountains get skinnier and skinnier near the top, and eventually you get where you’re going because you run out of road? The trouble was the road kept getting skinnier and skinnier too. And then Joshua somehow spun…

Some like it chilly — Knowing the sight of my puckered sucking lips would make him crazy, I slurped noisily on the cube of ice. Did he think it was cold? I was colder. Much colder. My husband groaned before he dropped to his knees. “Please.” His eyes clenched shut. “Please.” I touched the cube…

A happy Halloween flash — Green eyes are the mark of a jealous nature. Is that what you just said? As my scarlet fingernails bright as blood claw down your zipper, do you seriously think I have time to be jealous? Jealous of you, a mere mortal? It is to laugh. Your little life —…